THAT'S A WRAP

I’ve been working on a 2018 reflection and realizing this wasn’t as easy to write as I thought it would be.

You see, this year was full of so much magic, adventure and exploration, new friendships, lessons, heartache, growth, joy, and healing. It was a year of change and new beginnings. 2018 was such a powerful year for me in so many ways, that I’m still processing the experiences that took place (I already have tears in my eyes and I’ve only written 3 sentences).

I’m feeling an abundance of gratitude, happiness, joy and love for all the millions of ways in which God, Universe, Source Energy has provided for me this year.

I was reading back through some of my journal entries as I was preparing to write today, feeling grateful I documented so many aspects of my journey this past year, but also sitting here flabbergasted (my aunt used this word the other day and it made me laugh, but totally feels like the right word to use here!). I’m flabbergasted by all the synchronicities that took place, lessons I learned, risks I took, fear I succumbed, experiences I said yes to, surrendering I finally gave into, and love I experienced.

It feels like just yesterday when I was sitting at the car dealership writing the biggest check I’ve ever written, calling my friend Jackie to let her know I had the keys to my new car in hand and her asking if I wanted to leave in a week for our west coast roadtrip (this was January 2018).

I’m in awe as I sit here thinking it’s already January 1, 2019 and now I’m reflecting on all the brilliant and magnificent events that unfolded throughout the year. But boy, did time fly. Naturally, this has me thinking about how important it is to be PRESENT, in order to soak up every moment to the fullest before it passes right on by.

I saw some of the most beautiful places on the planet in 2018, but I want you to know, this year wasn’t about all the places I was fortunate enough to visit.

This year was about the lessons I learned, growth I experienced and feelings I felt while on the journey. Because let’s be real, traveling is exhausting. My pictures may have made it appear like it was all roses and fun, but in reality, traveling takes a toll, physically and emotionally.

2018’s theme ended up being “love” (soooo much more to come on this in 2019!).

Now this theme wasn’t something I chose at the beginning of 2018 and said, “this is my 2018 word I’m going to live and breathe by!” It just so happened to be a theme that kept coming up for me in meditations, life experiences, journaling and messages I was receiving from others and God.

First and foremost, it was about self love. Learning to love myself and every aspect of ME, the dark and the light. Then realizing that once I loved myself, I could share this love with the world, because naturally, once we love ourselves, there is no other way. This love bleeds into all areas of our being and life, and then flows right on out into the rest of the world. Now this is Something Beautiful!

Like I said, more to come on L-O-V-E in 2019.

What else did I learn in 2018, you ask?

Well for starters, I spent a great deal of the year learning to embrace my feminine energy. For far too long, my masculine energy was more dominant, but I’ve learned the importance of balancing these energies in order to thrive. Qualities of the feminine energy are things like connection, empathy, nurturing, and emoting. The feminine is pure energy and flows and changes without struggle.

I will write another post about masculine and feminine energy one day, because for now all I want to share with you is that over the years, I lost some of my innate feminine power. I forgot how to be a woman because I felt I had to carry the masculine energy on a pedestal to be successful. This lead me to feel unbalanced, stressed, stuck, rigid and I lost the ability to just “flow.” I was holding onto, and sometimes still do, this Miss Independent Woman energy. And this all happened unintentionally. I had no understanding of the feminine and masculine energies up until a year ago, so this year has been teaching me about alignment and balance.

2018 was about discovering. Discovering new places in the world. New ways of life. And discovering things I love and want to explore more deeply. For example, I learned this year I love horses. Who knew?! I didn’t grow up having a fascination with horses (though I was obsessed with frogs at one point when I was little and had about 10 frog stuffed animals on my bed at one point. Don’t ask me why!), but now I feel drawn to horses and want to spend more time around them. I’ve also felt a desire to paint and draw recently. Again, no idea why. I was more focused on excelling at sports when I was younger vs letting out the creative side. Now I feel a longing to color, draw and/or paint, so I bought a sketchbook and pastels and have been practicing intuitive drawing. #discoverwhatYOUlove

Now this is gonna sound a little strange, but it’s important. I started talking to myself this year. Yup, you read that right. I started talking to myself, and A LOT. When I’m making decisions, I close my eyes, breathe, focus and ask myself questions like, What feels right? What do you need more of? What do you need less of? What do you want? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the word love or the phrase, just be. Talking to myself has really helped me make decisions from my heart vs my ego. You should try it!

I’ve also learned I don’t need a lot to make me happy. Living out of a backpack in South America for 5 weeks and 1 suitcase in Europe for 2 months has me realizing STUFF doesn’t make me happy. On the contrary, getting rid of stuff makes me feel lighter, and oh so good.

Practicing forgiveness towards myself and others, by shedding emotional baggage and pain that was causing suffering for far to long has me feeling free lately. I’ve come to realize that these experiences that were causing suffering didn’t define me (what great news!). They were just that, experiences, that had come and gone, just like the breeze. These experiences had come and gone, and many of them years ago, so I finally decided to release them. Ruminating wasn’t doing any good, and I realized I was alive. I was alive and well in this very moment. Right here, right now, breathing. And all was well. There was no reason to continue ruminating on experiences that didn’t define me. What do you need to let go of? Who do you need to forgive?

Here is a juicy one for you. I’ve been practicing vulnerability. I had a subconscious fear I would be rejected if I shared my opinions and beliefs, but once this limiting belief came to light, the flood gates opened. It was like God was screaming, “FINALLLYYYYY! You finally realized this was holding you back and now you’re free! Now, hold onto your horses because the ride is about to get wild!” Once this came to the surface, opportunities to share my voice and story with the world came in from multiple directions, by way of workshops, starting my blog and a radio show, which is how Light as a Feather came to be.

I promise we are almost done here :)

Next lesson. No matter where I was in the world, I realized we’re all yearning for deeper connection. We’re more connected than ever before, thanks to technology, yet, we feel disconnected. People are feeling lonely in all areas of the globe.

Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

We yearn for deeper connection than this mindless scrolling through social media pages where we’re connected to thousands of people.

Traveling taught me how to connect. It taught me how to connect with strangers and friends in ways that feel more comfortable to me now. When was the last time you really looked into someone’s eyes or hugged someone for longer than .5 seconds? Looking at someone in the eyes is usually awkward for us, so we turn away because it feels uncomfortable or rude. But when you lock eyes with someone, even someone you’re passing on the street, how good does it feel to be seen?

When was the last time you got into a conversation with someone and you both walked away feeling heard because you shared what you were really feeling in the depths of your heart, and the other person was practicing deep listening? Connection, my friends. Lets connect more in 2019.

As we come to the finale of this post, I also want to note that I’ve done a lot of things this year I’m not necessarily proud of. I’ve hurt others, passed judgement, wasn’t compassionate when someone needed me to be, chose hurtful words vs loving ones. And I used to say, “I wish I could take these experiences back,” but I have since changed my perspective on this sentence. Here’s why.

It’s in these situations when the darkness is brought to light, where we identify areas of deep pain we hold onto that caused us to react in these ways. And the beautiful thing is that when these emotions and feelings are brought to light, we now have ourselves an opportunity to heal. We get to heal these shadows of ourselves so we can bring more light into the world, and we can’t really do this without “getting lost in the dark.”

Oh, and if the situation calls for it, don’t forget to apologize. I’m not advocating for you to go around being a jerk in order for you to heal your own pain.

I’ve seen so many posts on social media the last few days about “moving on” and people wanting to “leave behind this crappy year.” And yes, that is what happens, we progress. We move on. This is how life works, BUT I fear that some of us are moving on without fully grieving. Without fully forgiving. We are moving on without healing.  

As we head into the new year, don’t allow this time of the year to pass without reflection. Lean into your pain. Acknowledge the darkness, but then look forward into the light knowing, as Mary Poppins says, “we can only go up from here.”

I encourage you to look at every aspect of your life with so much love and appreciation, knowing that without the dark there isn’t light. Knowing without these lessons, we wouldn’t have been blessed with the knowledge we now have in order to heal and thrive.

We’re being called to shine our light into the world, for ourselves and others. What will you do in 2019 to be the light?

May you walk in beauty my brothers and sisters and make this year all about love, abundance, acceptance, forgiveness, compassion and whatever other qualities you want to bring into your life.

Cheers!

And don’t forget, you are loved.