FILL UP YOUR CUP

My cousin and I spoiled ourselves silly and had a full day of spa services over the Christmas holiday. It was a Christmas gift to ourselves and it was “da bomb!”

We both left the spa saying how needed it was and how great we felt (ahhh..bliss). I may have even told the masseuse, while in my zen-like state on the massage table, I was moving into the spa so I could have a massage everyday (it sounded like a good idea at the time).

Since our spa day festivities, I’ve been thinking about self care and what it means to me. What I’m discovering is that I believe there are both physical and emotional ways to practice self care.

First up, the physical practice.

Obviously in the case of our spa day, self care meant taking care of our physical bodies. Things like massages, taking a bath, restorative yoga, going for a walk, reading a great book, listening to soothing music, gardening and performing Abhyanga (Ayurvedic oil massage) are all fantastic ways to practice self care. This is obviously a very small list of ideas, and of course how you personally practice self care will be different than the person next to you because of the things that bring a smile to your face.

It’s so important for us to care for our physical bodies because of the daily stress we put them through. We put our bodies under stress based on our exercise routine (or lack of one), the foods we eat, the air we breath and of course the roller coaster of emotional stress we experience as we take in thousands of sensory experiences everyday. There is no way to avoid stress, we can minimize it, but can’t avoid it.

This is a great segway.

Let’s talk about how we practice self care emotionally and mentally.

I obviously talk a lot about self compassion and positive self talk. So self care for me also means talking to myself in a loving way. It means accepting where I’m at. It means saying no once in awhile, or asking for help. Self care is also having conversations that aren’t always fun, but necessary, because we’re protecting our own mental health. And it means setting boundaries.

I used to think self care was selfish.

And if there is only one thing I want you to get from this post it’s this.

SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH.

It’s so far from it.

And if someone ever tries to tell you it’s selfish, or calls you selfish for taking time for a spa day, or for saying no to an invitation because your cup is so empty you can’t even function, just smile. Smile, then turn around and walk as fast as you can in the opposite direction to get away from this mindset.

Now I’m obviously not advocating for you to only ever do what makes you happy and never put anyone else’s needs before your own (especially if you’re a parent!). There is a balance, but don’t put others needs at the expense of your own mental health and happiness. If you do this too often, you aren’t able to live your life to the fullest, and pretty soon this takes a mental toll.

I’m speaking from experience.

This is how it worked for me. I kept pouring from an empty cup. It was so dry, I had nothing more to give, even though I thought I did.

I didn’t know how to care for myself.

It got so bad that I eventually even forgot what I loved to do because I was always doing what others wanted and needed. No joke, I forgot what made me happy.

I still remember the day my therapist asked me what I did for fun (not what I did with others that was fun, but what I truly loved to do and found joy in). I sat there stuttering. I think I said I liked playing volleyball and traveling. Then she asked me what I did to relax. This word wasn’t even part of my vocabulary back then.

I’m naturally a helper and giver, so am wired to take care of others. This eventually became a chronic issue, and my own health suffered over time.

Always putting others needs before your own is not self care. And it doesn’t make you any better of a human than the person next to you who prioritizes their own self care. Many of us are conditioned to think that it does, but I’m going to tell you a secret. It doesn’t.

I admire people who set boundaries, say no, take care of themselves and treat themselves with so much love and compassion they glow. These wicked, smart folks do this in order to recharge, refocus and rejuvenate, so their cup is typically full (or atleast half full and getting fuller by the minute). They understand that when their cup is full, they show up fully in the world. Because it isn’t until our cup is full that we can then care for others. See how this works?

I’m a new human these days now that I’m addicted to self care. And let me tell you, it freakin’ feels soooo good to take care of myself.

No one can deny this feeling. I mean, who has ever told you they felt like shit after a day of self care, or even just an hour. Said no one EVER!

I’m giving you permission to go treat yo self to some much needed self care (not that you need my permission, but maybe it will help encourage you to spoil yourself with some extra love, a spa service or say no to the invitation you just got to a party for someone you haven’t even spoken to in over a year). Practice self care daily and your soul will thank you.

#selfcareforthewin

Sending a great sufficiency of love your way as we head into the New Year!