Navigating Other's Projections
I recently went through a painful experience, so I felt called to share how I got through this temporary ‘turbulence.’ In a nutshell, hurtful words were said to me by someone I knew, who turns out had very strong projections and opinions about me.
In the moment, when I received their email, I was completely caught off guard, very triggered and in awe at what was unfolding. I could literally feel the anger rise in my body as I read the email. It took everything I had to respond in a conscious and compassionate way vs the reactive and unconscious way that my ego wanted to respond.
I wanted to share some of the things i did to help me through this experience in case someone else out there is going through something similar.
Keep an open mind and open heart
I had to read the person’s email a few times to take it all in since I was in shock. I kept telling myself to keep an open mind and open heart and to read it without the tone that I assumed the person was using. This is tough to do, but I knew I had to do that in order to ‘stay awake’ to the fact that there could be a lesson in this for me.
So no matter how crappy you feel after a hurtful experience, stay open to the lessons that are brewing. I believe we co-create all experiences, so whenever something happens “to us,” stay open to what the golden nuggets are for you and trust it is always for your higher good. I believe there is always something to be learned from every encounter. If we can bring our awareness to the lessons and growth versus spending energy trying to get the other person back, prove them wrong, or defend ourselves we can stay more balanced, calm and peaceful.
Meditate
The more times I read the email the more I went into judgment, anger, and defensive mode. My first thought was that I needed to respond to defend all the projections that this person had of me and to prove them wrong, but deep down this didn’t feel right to me. Why did I need to defend my choices to this person? Why did I need to prove to them why I didn’t fit those labels? Seemed like a lot of useless energy would be exerted if I did this and I wasn’t convinced it would really be too helpful for the overall situation.
So, I meditated.
While I was meditating, I started having a conversation with my higher self. I asked these 3 questions.
What is this experience teaching me?
Why did I manifest this experience?
How do I navigate this dynamic? Please, show me the way.
Taking the time to stop and mediate is one of the most beneficial things we can do for ourselves when experiencing conflict. It really helps me calm down and think rationally vs reactively. By asking ourselves questions and quieting the mind, we create the space to be guided to different perspectives or messages that will lead us in the most magical way to a resolution.
Look for the gold
What came to me while I was meditating was that this experience was testing my spiritual strength. What I know is that hurt people, hurt people, but this doesn’t mean I have to treat them the way they treated me. More importantly, what others think about us, what they say about us and how they treat us does not define who we are. I was being tested to stay in love and compassion vs react and defend, something I have definitely been learning how to do over the years.
What also came to me during meditation was that I should be grateful for this experience. I was being guided to express gratitude because this experience was reminding me of my why. People say hurtful and unconscious things when they are suffering, and this is exactly why I do what I do. I want to help eliminate pain and suffering by empowering people to go on the inward journey to heal themselves. When we heal ourselves, we heal the planet because everyone around us benefits. Think about it, when people heal, they act out of love, but when people are suffering, they create suffering, whether consciously or unconsciously. So I believe this experience was reminding me of my why.
What also came to me was to acknowledge an area of growth. I have a tendency to get defensive very easily, so have been aware that this is an area where I need to do a little work. However, what I realized this time around was that I didn’t have as strong of an urge to react defensively. This was not about anyone being right or wrong, so there was no reason for me to have to try to counteract their projections. I am who I am, and I am proud of the woman I am becoming. I am unapologetic for that.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, which are formed by their own experiences and conditioning, but I do not need to identify with how anyone labels or sees me. I used to behave in specific ways to get approval from others even if it didn’t feel in alignment for me, I needed to be validated to feel like enough, and I conformed so that I would be accepted. Over the years, I have begun to shed that mask I was wearing. A mask that wasn’t in alignment with my higher self. And I shed this in order to honor my own journey, so as long as I know in my heart that I am acting in alignment with who I am, and acting out of love, that is all that matters. We spend lots of energy trying to defend and convince others, but really, most of the time this is pointless.
Writing exercise to soothe the ego
As I mentioned, it took everything I had to respond consciously and to take a moment to try to understand where the other person might be coming from. I needed to get everything out that I was feeling, so I decided to write it out. I took the person’s email and copied it into a Word document. Then I went through and started adding comments to their responses. I was writing down all the things I really wanted to say to the person. This was an extremely cathartic process for me. By getting it all out on paper, I could then craft a more reasonable and conscious response to the person. And that is exactly what I did next. I wrote out a short response, that wasn’t defensive and sent it on it’s way.
All in all, I hope you found some useful tips in here. I am beyond grateful for my mindfulness practices that have helped ground me so that I can make conscious decisions. If you are going through a similar experience and need someone to listen, please feel free to reach out.
<3 ~ * ~ Much love ~ * ~ <3