Finding My Calm
MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS GUEST BLOG
By: Sara LaPorte
Suffocating. Having the literal and figurative life sucked out of me. That is what I was feeling in late fall of 2017.
My husband and I had just made the difficult decision to move back "home" to Michigan from out west over the summer with our two young daughters, leaving behind his older children from his first marriage, which was a huge stressor all on it's own. We struggled with that, trying to find our new normal. My husband was much more vocal about his unhappiness than I was because I was in the mindset that it was where we needed to be "right now." We wanted our little ones to give this new life a fair shot, and how could they if all they saw were their parents being miserable? His sadness still weighed heavy on me though.
I've always been an anxious person and was prescribed Zoloft for the anxiety. It was a lower dose, but my anxiety still required daily help. Moving back to Michigan after being gone for over seven years was a tough transition. We both had family here, so while it was nice to be able to spend more time with them and have our children get to know these family members more, it also came with things that weren’t as fun as well. I felt pulled in a lot more directions than what I was used to, I had to learn to manage people's opinions on how we parent our children, and had to balance a variety of somewhat stressful family situations. It was a lot to process on top of just dealing with the emotions we were feeling from leaving Nevada.
Then my blood pressure started to get a little on the high side, so my doctor increased my dosage of Zoloft and added a second anxiety medication that could be taken daily or as needed, but asked that I take it daily until the blood pressure was at a safe number.
Around this time my sister-in-law mentioned a workshop for meditation that was coming up and asked if I would like to go to it with her. I was willing to try anything to manage the stress better and potentially wean myself off the medication, so I agreed to go.
Fast-forward to December 9th, the day of the workshop and Michigan gets the first bad snow storm of the year. No big deal, right? Wrong. I hadn't driven in significant amounts of snow in over seven years and the vehicle I was driving was my husband's pickup, which doesn’t have 4-wheel drive. I was terrified and doing everything I could to talk myself out of going. HELLO ANXIETY! All the more reason I NEEDED to go! I left a little earlier than planned and white knuckled it the entire way to the event.
December 9, 2017 was life changing for me. I know that sounds so silly or cliche, but it’s really the honest to God truth. After the workshop, I got Libby’s card because I was really interested in learning more and Libby had such a great energy, which I very much needed in my life. I was lucky enough to be able to take her one-on-one course, which started me on my path of daily meditation and taught me to slow down and pay more attention to the little things; the little things that are really the big things. I’m not going to lie to you and say learning to meditate was a “piece of cake” because it wasn’t! It’s a mental gym, so you have to keep at it. At first, I swear one minute felt like 5, but after a while, if I didn’t take those few minutes for myself each day, I could feel it in my soul. I needed that quiet, ME time. When I started to understand synchronicities, HOLY SHIT, did the Universe let me know I was on the exact path I should be on!
I’m learning this all over again with my “practice” because I have somewhat fallen off the wagon lately and it’s apparent in everything I do. This little setback came just before I discovered I was pregnant with our third baby. I was 38 years old (Oh, hey, Geriatric Pregnancy!) and still trying to figure out how to parent two kids most days. The more the pregnancy progressed, the harder it was on my body. It’s not just because I’m older, or a bit overweight, but I’m also blessed with herniated discs in my back, so everything feels harder than it should. That can do a real number to your mental health when it hurts to play with your kids or even do laundry sometimes. Add that to my husband taking a new position with his company that has him out of town a good chunk of the time and let me tell you, I can be a total and complete mess some days!
I’m embracing this setback though because it’s teaching me that managing our mental and emotional health is a balancing act. We progress and then regress, progress, regress. This is natural and human. More importantly though, these “setbacks” are reminding me I can always begin again because each day is a new day.
It’s hard to take that time out of your day for yourself because we are conditioned to think that’s selfish, but it’s not. It’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup, my friends.
You are worth having a cup that is overflowing with love!
Hello, Loves! My name is Sara, a Michigan Native who recently moved back after 7+ years out west. I’m a wife to a hard-working (so I can stay home) and handsome guy who helps balance me out. I’m also a mama to two beautiful, feisty daughters, a son due any time now & two bonus kiddos. I’m just trying to figure life out one day at a time.